I just feel like I’m way too stupid to be a feminist I never understand what they’re talking about like I wanna support but when they get into discussions n’ stuff I just: AH BIG WORDS THAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND

D:

princess-mermaidia:

Bold what’s true about you

I am under 18.
I am a cuddler.
I am a morning person. 
I am an only child.
I am currently in my pajamas.
I am currently pregnant.
I am left handed.
l am right handed.
I am ambidextrous.
I am shy. 
I bite my nails.
I can be paranoid at times.
I enjoy folk music.
I enjoy smoothies.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I have a car.
I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.
I have a hidden talent.
I have a pet.
I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl.
I have all my grandparents.
I have been to another country.
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
I have or had broken a bone.
I have caller I.D. on my phone.
I have bathed someone.
I have changed a diaper.
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have had major/minor surgery.
I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week.
I have mood swings.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I have rejected someone before.
I like the taste of blood. 
I love Michael Jackson.
I love sleeping.
I love to shop. 
I own 100 CDs or more.
I own and use a library card.
I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
I sleep a lot during the day.
I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I am wearing socks.
I am tired.
I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.

I have/had:
Finished college.
Smoked cigarettes.
Ridden every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid.
Gone to a concert.
Helped someone.
Spun turn tables.
Watched four movies in one night.
Been broken up with.
Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.

Burned yourself.

Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over $200 in one day.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on. 
Written a 10 page letter.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Skipped school.
Gotten in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library. 
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies. 
Fired a gun.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Attempted suicide.
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Had more than 5 online conversations going at once.
Had a hamster.
Dyed your hair.
Had something pierced.
Gotten straight A’s.
Been handcuffed.

My hair is naturally the color:
Light brown
Medium brown
Dark brown
Blond
Black
Dirty blond
Strawberry blond
Multicolored
Red

My eyes are:
Brown
Dark Brown
Blue
Green
Hazel 
Light brown
Grey

People sometimes label me as:
Slut
Boyish
Colorful
Ugly
Nerd
Other 

Some of my biggest fears are:
Spiders/other insects
Slimy things
Dying
Doctor/Dentist appointments
Hospitals
Needles
Disease
The dark
Heights
Small spaces
Oceans/large bodies of water
Large animals
Small animals 
Open spaces
Lightning
Tornadoes
Clustered holes
Bodily fluids
Corpses

I have:
A friend with benefits
A laptop in my room
A television in my room
Good grades. 
My own car.
Parents who are still married 
A dog.
A cat.
A game console

Some days I look like Ms. Frizzle from the magic school bus but that’s okay. 

Having one of those moments where I look at myself and feel so disgusted. I want to change everything about the way I look.

I was one away from blackout bingo and some slut named ruth56 fucking bingoed before I got to mf

I hate when people sum up anxiety to just being a tad bit awkward around people. Like no your entire body feels sick and you get dizzy and sweat and feel like you’re going to projectile vomit around people you don’t know and then panic attacks and you feel like everyone is secretly hating you omfg.

Yesterday when my boyfriend got to my house the first thing he did was pick me up and we spun around like in the movies cause I was having a bad day but I’m kinda fat so he started to stumble and  I was all abandon ship and jumped down before I crushed him.

I hate having anxiety, I’ve been stressing almost to the point of tears for 3 days because I have to have a 20 min meeting with a guy who’s going to bring me school work once a week until I graduate. Anything school related plus meeting someone new alone and being out of my meds is not a good combo at all. 

Future goals:

Some are bigger than others but here are my goals:

1. Go to the store and get nothing but healthy foods
2. Stop drinking cokes
3. brush teeth twice a day EVERYDAY (sometimes I fall asleep and forget the 2nd time)
4. Start doing my nails more often
5. keep room clean/organize clothes
6. add more to my exercise routine
7. learn to be happy with myself
8. look into college
9. do well in the at home school program and try my hardest
10. get my license 
11. stop going out to eat as much as I am
12. try little things to help my anxiety like talk to people so I can get more comfortable with it and don’t let it hold me back

That’s all I can think of for now. I might add more later.

So I know my blog is kawaii and not a health blog but…

You know how pregnant women crave weird stuff like dirt when they don’t get enough vitamins? (Yes that actually happens) Well for the past few months fast food and junk food have tasted AWFUL like so bland and tasteless. I’ve been craving salad and fruits and such like crazy, and I think it’s my body’s way of being like “dude stop giving me all this crap we will die at a young age do you hear me?!” For years I was teased about being chubby (162 lbs.) And I tried to love myself I really did, but I was so depressed and hated myself. I used to get mad because I thought it was bad enough I’m ugly but fat too geez. But I never did anything about it. I truly envy plus sized models and women who feel beautiful at a larger size. However now I actually have good reasons to lose weight, so I won’t look back and think the only reason I lost weight (if I manage to do it) was to please people around me or look a certain way or to get a boyfriend. No. I have a wonderful boyfriend of over a year who loves me for me, so I won’t be doing it to look good, (although it’s an added bonus I guess) I’m out of high school so it’s not to gain popularity or some other stupid reason, nope. It’s to really be healthy, it’s to live longer, it’s so when I have children I can run and play in the yard with them. It’s so I can save money buying healthy meals at the store instead of eating out a lot. I’m not looking to “LOSE 5 POUNDS IN 3 WEEKS WITH THIS CELEBRITY DIET” It’s about gaining an overall healthy lifestyle. I’ll definitely pig out on holidays/my birthday though lol. I will never deny myself a meal, in fact I will eat even more, just healthy stuff. I will never look down on a person who doesn’t live a healthy lifestyle or is bigger. I won’t bug everyone around me to eat a certain way, I just want to be healthy and feel good. I don’t want to hate myself after every meal and sit there all bloated to the point I can’t move. Now I’m sitting here all sweaty with blisters on my feet aching. I’m 5’7, 145 lbs, and this is the start of my healthy lifestyle. (I really hope I can stick to it)